That Wrestling Show

Our opening contest is an X-Division match between Chris Bey and Jake Something. Before the match, Matthew Rehwoldt arrived and announced that he is the replacement for the near future for DLo Brown. Bey started the match fast with a dropkick and then those lethal kicks he’s become known for. Jake survived the initial onslaught and hit a huge body drop, then an absolutely vicious punch directly to the dome of Bey. The match spilled to the floor, where Bey nailed Jake with a huge kick, but Something responded with a facebuster on the apron. Jake went for more offense and Bey countered, causing Jake to eat post. Bey took advantage and went to the top and hit a flip on him to the floor. Bey kept it rolling with pinpoint strikes. Something powered back in, but Bey used his innovative athleticism to counter his power. He stayed a step ahead of Jake, using his speed to keep him at Bey (get it?), then started switching from submission attempt to submission attempt. Jake continued to try to power out but Bey relentlessly held onto a tight sleeper. Jake finally managed to hit a huge suplex and get away. Bey stepped on the gas, but Jake countered a rana attempt into a roll-through Powerbomb. He went for the corner spear but Bey dodged and nailed a double stomp. Bey went for the Art of Finesse and Jake caught him and dropped him hard, then set him up and hit the corner Spear. He went for the Black Hole Slam but Bey countered with a ridiculous roundhouse and then a nasty Poisoned Rana. Bey started in with the kicks. Jake countered by literally running him over. Jake caught him coming off the top rope with the Black Hole Slam for the win. 8/10, great match, this is why the X-Division still reigns supreme. After the match, Guerillas of Destiny came out of nowhere and jumped Jake Something. Speedball Mike Bailey attempted to make the save and managed to nail everyone with a series of well-placed kicks, but then Jay White made his return to the Impact Zone and dropped him. G.o.D. said they are here for one reason and one reason only….to take the Impact Tag Titles from the Good Brothers!!!

Honor No More have once again made their way into the Impact Zone, and you can almost guarantee they’re here to take someone out.

Impact faithful hit the ring. Rhino, Josh Alexander, Chris Sabin, Rich Swann, and Eddie Edwards were holding the ring and ready for a fight. Rhino demanded that security let Honor No More through. Scott D’Amore interrupted and said he’s had enough. He said that Honor No More doesn’t represent ROH because they don’t work there anymore. He called them Piece of Shit Carnies. Maria asked why she or they should play by his rules, they don’t work here either. They want an opportunity. Scott said they don’t deserve one. Rhino said they deserve to get their asses kicked. Scott said ok, fine, if everyone wants to fight and HNM wants an opportunity, then at No Surrender we’re gonna have a 5-on-5 match, Impact vs. Honor No More, and if they win, they can stay. If they lose, they gotta get the hell out. Sabin said that’s great but he really doesn’t want to wait until No Surrender. Scott said ok, fine, if he wants a match, then he can have one and told Honor No More to pick someone to represent them tonight. PCO stepped up so Scott made it official. Tonight’s main event will be Chris Sabin vs PCO.

Madison Rayne told Kaleb (with a K) that tonight he has one job, this is a scouting match and he just needs to not screw it up. Doubt he can accomplish this one.

We go back to the ring, and its time for the scouting match, as The IInspiration takes on an incarnation of The Influence. Cassie and Madison opened the match. Cassie got the early advantage with some quick strikes and holds. Kaleb tagged in and Cassie immediately out-wrestled him. Jessie tagged in and they hit a couple of nice double teams on him. Madison hit Cassie from behind, which allowed Kaleb to absolutely demolish Jessie with a superkick. They went to commercial. Coming out of the break, Madison had control of Cassie. Influence managed to isolate Cassie, using strikes and power to keep her down. Cassie countered Kaleb twice and tagged in Jessie, who took over on Madison, dropping her, then forcing her to DDT Kaleb with a couple of quick counters. Kaleb regained control with a quick blind tag and a cheap shot. Jessie caught him celebrating and trying to take a selfie and then tagged out to Cassie. Cassie tried a quick roll-up but only got 2. Kaleb responded with a huge knee. He went for a powerbomb but Cassie countered into a pin for the win. 7/10, that match actually was vastly better than I expected.

Ace Austin was trying to recruit Mike Bailey again by saying what happened with G.o.D. was completely uncalled for and accidentally talked himself and Fulton into an 8-Man tag match with Jake and Bailey vs. Bullet Club. Gail Kim, who overheard the conversation, made it official.

Gisele Shaw, the Quintessential Diva, is apparently coming soon. From what I’ve been reading, that’s a huge signing because quite a few companies were after her.

Good Brothers asked Violent By Design to help them with the Bullet Club situation because G.o.D. is now an obstacle in their way of getting a title shot. Young said, ok, only because they are an obstacle.

Gail Kim brought out the entire Knockouts Division and then brought Mickie James to the ring for a State of the Knockouts Division. Mickie said she’s proud to represent this entire division. This is the strongest women’s division in all of wrestling. She gave props to everyone there. She then focused on Deonna Purazzo. She said despite the fact that Deonna is one of the worst people she’s ever met, she’s one of the best opponents she’s ever faced. She said Deonna is perhaps the most talented woman in the world besides herself. Deonna interrupted and said this is a complete waste of her and everyone else’s time. She said she doesn’t need Mickie’s respect because she’s already proven she’s the best, and respectfully disrespectfully excused herself. Mickie said ok, bye. She continued on, saying she is honored to represent Impact in the WWE Royal Rumble. Her plan, if she wins, is to go on to WrestleMania and put her title on the line in a Title vs. Title match to become the first woman to ever hold the WWE Women’s Championship and Knockouts Championship at the same time. Chelsea Green said she can definitely do it and asked for the first title shot after she becomes the double champ. Tasha Steelz interrupted and reminded everyone that she has a title shot at No Surrender. She said nope, because she’s taking the title. Tasha and Savannah Evans jumped Mickie and Chelsea. Mickie and Chelsea fought back and cleared them from the ring.

Maclin told Gia that he doesn’t care what the record books say because he lost to Gresham last week under ROH Pure Rules, not regular Impact rules. Jonathan Gresham interrupted and said, ok, fine, and challenged him to a non-title rematch next week under normal rules.

Our next match is…bizarre. Its also historical. It will be W. Morrissey vs. The Learning Tree…and 7 of their friends? This is the first ever 9-on-1 Handicap match in the history of wrestling I do believe. Brian Myers joined Tom and Matt on commentary. Morrissey took out Zicky Dice almost immediately to start the match. Then he proceeded to take out 4 of the randos as they attempted to enter the ring. VSK was the next to get involved and he took him and 2 more randos out before picking up VSK like he was nothing and literally flinging him out of the ring onto the 6 guys he already bulldozed through. He yoked up the final guy and nailed him with the BQE onto Zicky Dice for the win. 5/10 for historical value and the fact that it was actually mildly entertaining and kinda impressive to watch him mow through 9 guys in one match. After the match, Myers got in his face. He went to take out Myers with a chokeslam when Moose came out of NOWHERE and jumped him. He fought back and backed Moose into the corner, then went to take out Myers again, and the entire 9-man Learning Tree jumped him. He literally tossed them all off and fought out, only to turn right into the Lights Out Spear from Moose. Moose walked off. Damn you Moose!!!

Raj Singh said that ever since Rohit Raju left him high and dry and Mahabali Shera got injured, his luck has been absolutely terrible and the disrespect has been ridiculous. But next week, he’s bringing some backup, in the form of hot free agent Bhupinder Gujjar. WHO?! John Skyler interrupted. He demanded to know why there is never any time for him, the hottest up-and-comer in all of Impact, the man who beat Matt Cardona in his debut. Singh said he’s a little busy next week, but Bhupinder will be here and will be more than happy to face Skyler. Skyler said ok, cool.

Earlier tonight, Johnny Swinger accidentally ran afoul of Mr. Jonah Rock, so apparently we will now have a match between the two. Po lil Swing Swing.

We go back to the ring for Jonah vs. Swinger. Swinger went for an absolutely idiotic single leg. Big mistake. Jonah punched him. Hard. Swinger caught him with an eye poke. Ok, a tad bit smarter. Unfortunately, Jonah yoked him up in a Fireman’s Carry and then tossed his ass like a sack of trash. Then he hit two massive Sentons, climbed to the top, and hit the Tsunami. They showed Dan Lambert in the crowd for some god awful reason. 5/10 for the sheer dominance and impressiveness of what Jonah does in the ring. After the match, he appeared to go for more damage to Swinger but was cut off by…Decay? Huh?

And we have reached our main event. Impact and Honor No More fight to make the first big statement in this brewing war. In one corner, we have the Perfect Creation One, the Frankenstein’s Monster of Ring of Honor, the beast PCO! In the other corner, we have the Impact Legend, the highly decorated, highly talented, and always exciting Motor City Machine Gun…Chris Sabin! The match started quick with both wrestlers exchanging strikes in the corners. PCO went after Sabin’s arm. He focused hard on it, going to town with quick, painful moves to try to take the arm out. Sabin managed to counter with his speed, until Honor No More tripped him up behind the ref’s back. Team Impact responded by tripping PCO, however, they weren’t as slick and the ref caught them and tossed them out, leaving Sabin alone with PCO and Honor No More. Sabin took advantage of the distraction of them getting tossed to hit some rapid strikes, but PCO tossed him over the ropes, then dragged him back in and clotheslined him over the ropes on the other side before hitting a Cannonball Senton THROUGH the ropes (that was super impressive.) PCO continued the beatdown on the outside then hit a massive Senton off the top rope on the apron on Sabin (that looked painful). He threw him back in the ring and continued the beatdown, using his power and hitting multiple dives (this guy can move) until Sabin finally managed to dodge a Moonsault attempt. Sabin went to the air to take control, hitting multiple dropkicks and dives off the top. He attempted to go back to the speed game again and PCO just smashed him. PCO went back to the power game and Sabin survived and then countered a Vader Bomb attempt. He used a series of kicks and dives to take out all of Honor No More on the outside, but Maria distracted the ref, allowing Taven to toss Sabin off the top rope. PCO then hit the Full Nelson Bomb for the win. 8/10, that was actually a great match despite the interference. After the match, Honor No More attempted to beat down Sabin but Team Impact made the save and managed to trap Vincent in the ring. He took a couple moves, but HNM managed to save him when Alexander went for the Ankle Lock.

Well, things are really starting to heat up here. Moose is playing with Morrissey, Mickie is headed to the Royal Rumble, and Honor No More is getting more vicious as they attempt to find a new home. And with the arrival of Bullet Club to Impact on top of all that, anything can happen! 7.5/10 for this week’s show, great action despite to the two awkward squash matches, and No Surrender is setting up nicely!! See you for the next one!!!